There was a question that was given to us for us to answer. The question was, "Have you experienced fear-based reactions to your creative career choices? How are you successfully overcoming these reactions?" To answer these two questions, a little bit more of myself should be known. I am in my sixth year in college, majoring in animation. I had changed majors around my third year in college. Previously, I had been majoring under Art Education. The reason for this was because I thought that I wanted to teach. But in truth, it was because two of my best friends in high school were both aiming to be teachers and I was just trying to follow their role. I discovered that Art Education wasn't for me after taking a core course.
The truth is, all I ever really wanted to do was to make comics. I had a friend who was majoring in animation. She was taking a storyboard class around the same time I had been taking my core class for Art Ed. While hanging out with her, she had with her some storyboards that she had done for the class. I thought, "Man, that's what I really want to do." So in the end, I changed majors. Because I changed majors, I made several new friends who were also in the same major. I was happy because they had the same interest as I did. And I could actually converse with them without feeling too awkward. Unfortunately for me, since they had been under the animation program longer, the majority of my friends had graduated a year or two before me. During this time, I noticed how much they were struggling to find jobs. And those who had jobs were working under non-related art subjects. One of my closest friends who had graduated recently (class of 2011) ended up working at Coffee Bean. And was happy about it. This terrified me. It made me forget what I was really looking for what I wanted. There was nothing I felt that I was really good at. It made me insecure about my abilities. How could I possibly complete with the world if my friends, whom are way better artists, can't even find jobs?
In animation, there were several things one could choose to do. Character designs, storyboarding, concept designs, backgrounds, animation, rigging, modeling, lighting. I could go on. (Please also note that I've listed both traditional and digital animation.) And because of this fear, I was regretting ever had gone to this school. This thought didn't stay with me long though. By the time the 2011 Fall Quarter started up again, I had forgotten about it temporarily. It wasn't until a friend of mine, who was under the same major that I was at about the same pace towards graduation as I was, found an opportunity to learn from the Art Institute program. She had received a call from this school and was given information about their gaming program. The information had overwhelmed us both. I was so overwhelmed that I was on the verge of tears. I began to regret everything I had done for the previous five years of my college life. I had wished the classes I had taken had been of a better help in my learning. I had wish I had more time to learn, to get better. I had wished my drawings were super amazing and that jobs would simply just come to me. I was even on the point of deciding on changing majors to stay longer. To learn more. But I had only two quarters left. That Fall quarter. And this Winter quarter. I had considered switching to computer science in hopes to learn programming. I was depressed for nearly two weeks long. But then a close friend of mine who had graduated two years ago talked to me. At this time, she too was struggling as an artist with a very unstable job. But she had a job that was actually art related. And she asked me the simplest questions--yet they were the hardest to answer. She asked me what I wanted to do. What was I trying to reach for career wise. I told her that I didn't know. At this point, I truly wasn't sure. But then she asked me if I enjoyed Art and if there were anything else in the world that I would more rather do or be that would make me just as happy as art did. There was nothing else I enjoyed more than drawing except maybe writing. But a writer's job is just as difficult as an artist's. I was then reminded by several people who aren't yet successful yet but are getting there. There was a fellow classmate who was currently interning for WarnerBrother's Animation. He had taken the same course than I had taken. The only thing that differed between us was that he had worked hard to get to where he was.
The path that I had wanted to take was the simple easy way. This other school had an 80% hiring rate so the chances of getting a job after graduating was significantly high there. But here, the path was the same. Though the hiring rate isn't statistically high here, there was still a path that lead to the same end point. If I truly didn't enjoy what I had been doing for the past five years, then truly I was on the wrong path. But no, I had enjoyed it. Remembering this simple thing helped me get back on my feet. There's truthfully nothing to regret. I had made great friends, met great professors, met great people, all because I had been going here.
It still had taken me awhile to calm myself though. I'm still afraid about the future, but who isn't? But I know that this bumpy difficult path that I have to travel across isn't going to be the death of me. This thought is one of the many encouragements around me to keep me on my feet.
I can certainly say though that I'm glad that this class I'm taking now (Concept Development). So far, the class has been intimidating, giving the students a small peek into how the real world is like and it is scary. But I find that this class is giving me strength to keep trying.
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